I'm stuck on this feeling like I need to say something, or tell someone something. But I'm not sure what it is, and I don't want to say the wrong things. There are so many things that I have kept quiet about.

Some people wonder why I'm so passionate about Joy Luck Club. Its because of the amount of truth, of relevance to everything I'm experiencing. Its the isolation within one's self and fears, the choices that one makes as they go about in life, that untimely could make them lose themselves. I can relate to that. But the solution in the book is the few woman's mothers, and their aid. So I guess I must find another.

It is possible, I believe. Its part and parcel of this journey of becoming someone, growing and moulding one's self into someone stable and strong, to have to be able to survive through a rough time with your eyes closed. They say, you have to learn to make it on your own.

But I know someone said that you have to learn to get help when you need it. When do I need it? When everything is beyond help? And who said it anyway? I don't quite remember, everything's chucked at the back of my head. It might be a teacher. I think.

Everthing's a jumble now, that I can't see very clearly anymore. Its hard to even understand myself, so I don't have any excuse for how ridiculous I'm acting. At least some of you (yes, you people reading my blog) can comprehend your actions enough, or at least most of your emotions to lead you through with your head held high. I'm tempted to just put on a mask. I'm tired of running when everything slips out.

I don't know whether its about control of emotions now, or about expressing yourself when you need to. I guess I've been caught in both extremes for too long, you don't know what balance is needed. I'm tired of isolation, because I know how much I treasure everyone, and I do want them to be a part of me. I can't do that when I don't have that piece of myself to present to them as well. A slice of honesty. And I'm also tired of too much emotion. Its tiring, exhausting, and scary. Too scary.

There has to be a balance somewhere, where everything makes sense, and I can just sit down and slowly untangle the threads. There has to be.