I have lost the art of concealment. Because, I admit - I am afraid of pain. I shall not face the same demise, defeat. I will not, once again, fall into those traps. But because of this, I have lost balance. I have lost my ability to sacrifice for others, to willingly feel pain for others.

And, I am afraid, my love for you has gone so deep, that it isn't enough to look into your eyes and say 'I love you' anymore. It needs more now, morbid shedding of blood, ripping of one's freedom and the things that mean most. We have fished out all our jewels. What is left now, but ourselves? It has become a dangerous deed, a red-alert predicament. We are constantly in danger now, just because we love each other too much. There is a constant battle between what is "me" and "us", because we love each other too much.


But amidst this, we shared that one moment, as I cried in your arms. The worse thing was that there was no reason for it. But although we have complained before that we never showed each other care before, that one gesture of raising your hand over my skin like a gentle tide had sent jolts of love through my skin. And though I did not move, I never felt more alive.

___________________

I think I lost my ability to write fiction. Gah. Tis horrible.

Church is going for camp tomorrow. Can't go. I've been quite upset lately because I can't go for any church events. Spoke to Mag during bible study yesterday, and she hit a point so precise I think I should just announce it here and now.

Those of you who go to church, and come from supportive and/or christian families, you have no idea how privileged you all are to be able to attend church without fear, restrictions. Man, you can even chose not to go, while I, and some others like me, are attending diligently like it might be the last day we enter that building. Some people can't even go. Simple things such as this are a blessings.


Anyway, Emaths is such a pain when you spent all last year with an unapproachable teacher you just couldn't grasp on a common ground. Shall need to revise all last years in light speed, with this stupid migraine. I will NOT fall sick again. Its killing me.