Will be going to bed soon. Am feeling quite ill.
I'm not sure if its Exam Anxiety, but I have been feeling quite 'out' today, in the context of concentration, and headachey. Stuck in my own world, really.
News:
A kitten was found in church. We decided to keep it (my earthly family, that is), and snowy is leading a very comfortable and happy life. Haha. Not sure what my dad will say though...
Chinese O levels tomorrow. There's really no point memorising anymore. But I'll cram a bit more, and the rest I'll rely on God's might. I'm not sure what has been troubling me anymore, the rest of the week seems like a blur, but like Pastor said today, God's healing power will heal the broken. Something along those lines.
Today I experienced something so wonderful, that I was so afraid I've lost. Last night, I had decided to give up, to forget about hope, love and freedom. I was so wrought, so tired, that I was willing to let hate take over who I was, and push away all existence of comfort, so that I could feel in control again. I felt like I didn't have anyone to turn to, and I hate being out of control of life, that much I knew when I cried myself to sleep last night.
When was the last time I had cried myself to sleep?
Does it matter? I do not always listen to the comforting of men, of people, no matter how much they care about me, or how much I care about them. Most of the time, it is not enough. I crave God's might, because it is the only thing that satisfies me, that heals me fully. I was so touched, so out of control today. But guess what? It didn't matter, because God was in control. And, for the first time, I heard God's voice, CLEARLY. His words, so true, it struck so deep as it fell from those lips.
Those Sunday School Lessons were true. When God speaks, you know its Him. Today, He answered that one question, that one uncertainty I held in my heart, that I never knew how to put words to. One question seperated to so many questions :
"Who am I?"
"What am I?"
"Who am I to be?"
"What should I do?"
etc.
I believe you Lord. I believe your words.
Off to study, then to bed. O levels! Chinese! ARgH!