We both know what its like to miss someone so much it hurts. We have our scars, our fears, all stitched together to make a web of horror that squeezes whatever life we have in us. I move on from my problems, but no matter what others say, when you dig deep enough, the scars will still be there, livid under rubble.

Sometimes it is my decisions that keep me alive. The fact that I can chose pain, chose to feel makes me feel real, away from the death I trained myself to fall into. Yet there you are, with your aches as well, your determination so strong, your love so overwhelming, that you have accomplished deeds I've never dared to embark on. I've never felt what you have. Its been months, and your secret remains kept.

The deep, dark secret of it all, is that I am proud of my scars, my experiences, my ability to survive. But the truth of it is I haven't reached where you are, the point when I've endured so much that I realise there's nothing to be proud of.




I want to be found, under all this rubble. I want to be heard. But whatever I've said is wrong. Its wrong to be sad. Its wrong to make others upset. Its wrong to express myself, searching for comfort, because it makes others upset.

DO YOU KNOW HOW CONTRADICTORY ALL OF YOU ARE? WHAT DO YOU EXPECT ME TO SAY?

I won't hurt any of you anymore. I'll keep my thoughts, my sadness, my emotions to myself. I'll keep my million thoughts and concerns to myself. I'll spread the happiness. That's the side of the schizo you'll see. I'll be happy. Always. You'll see.


I'll be last to help you understand. Are you strong enough to be my man?